Chak De Kinng: The movie that wasn't (Thank god?)

How many times have we wondered that how a movie would have come out had there been Shahrukh, or Aamir, or Akshay. What if the movie was directed by RGV, or this one by KJo. So, I thought why not lets dwell on it.
So imagine, what if, Akshay had done Chak de India. OFC, as the title suggests, it would have been named Chak de Kinng.
And here, Akki is introduced to us lesser mortals


So, this kinng doesn't coach girl's hockey team, that is so old school, but girls beach volley ball team. So, girls from all across India comes to the training camp in Goa. There is a girl from Andhra Pradesh:



Then there is one from Karnatka

Haryana

Well, yeah, you guessed it right, every girl is white, no matter which state of INDIA they come from. But then there is one, captain of Indian team, who is from orignally from UK but came to India to study law so that she can practice in US, but then her passion for beach volley ball drives her to become hockey player, yeah, you guessed it, Katrina Kaif (ok, ok, I took the "inspiration from anees Bazmee's SIK, what pathetic days....)


Now when every other team is busy practicing, our Indian coach is busy hopping beds, everyone's except OFC our heroine's, since she has to be virgiin. Rule of thumb in Indian movies, spl Akki's. So, Indian team reaches Australia, as per the customs of Akki movie, a videsi girl does an item song on the airport


Now SRK's team might face a defeat in first match in the movie, but not Akki's. When Akki sees his team losing the match, he has no other option, but to change homself into a girl, OFC one who believes more in "natural beauty". So Akki singlehandedly win matches after matches for India, until the day an Australian female coach enters the toilet Akki is in, OFC since its Akki, we need to put toilet humor. Which OFC results in coach sleeping with Akki and hot tensions being cooled down by what Kinng would describe to his friends as "Hot S"

Anyhow, by the end of the movie, Akki not only wins the championship, but also heart of the nation by playing a girl, virginity of Kat, and god knows what else...

And by tradition, movie ends with a Akki spl rap song



Watch this space for upcoming post "What if Jodha Akbar was directed by Ekta Kapoor" on second thoughts, it wouldn't be too different, so plan dropped.