Khatron Ke Khiladi Reloaded: Ep. 2

*Episode 2 review*

I never expected to be writing another recap of KKK, no relation to the Ku Klux Klan thankfully. However, by popular demand (that's right, all TWO of you!) I am back to watching so you don't have to.

We begin with a disclaimer that folks watching at home should not replicate the stunts. All ho hum, right? The next line made my eyes nearly pop out. "THE CHANNEL WILL BE LIABLE FOR ANY LOSS OR DAMAGE." So if you go jump out of a helicopter and break a leg you can now sue Colors and make some money. Eat some slugs and get food poisoning? Sue the bastards. Not a bad money-making scheme in this economy. So all you unemployed slobs sitting on your couches drooling over Priyanka, chop chop, get to work. The only people who *don't* deserve work? The morons at Colors who can't even write proper disclaimers. I suppose they would be the same retards green-lighting remakes of horrid American reality shows. They must have been multitasking.

Piggy Chops arrives wearing shorts so short her butt cheeks are nearly hanging out. Eh, same thing she does in the movies or award shows or well, anywhere. She is, after all, using her best ASSet. She announces the stunt which happens to be transferring worms, beetles, cockroaches and other creepy crawlies from a honey-covered rope to a bowl a few feet away. Since I had to been dying to see Rahul Bose eat gross insects, it's no surprise that the universe once again denies me this pleasure. Mr. Bose, oh so manly and muscular, volunteers his cheerleader girl to do the stunt for him!!


Once again, Fat Cyrus pleases me greatly and decides to do the stunt himself insisting his cheerleader shouldn't have to spoil her make-up and put bugs in her mouth. Cyrus goes up against some Random Guy's cheerleader. Priyanka squeals and screams, makes disgusted faces and jumps around while closing her eyes and refusing to see the stunt in progress. Swell. Monotone teleprompter reading to refusing to see the stunt; it's progress.

Dino Morea also does the stunt himself and if nothing else, at least he's a gentleman. Rahul Bose, I'm looking at you. He also competes against another Random Guy's cheerleader. If these Khiladis thought it would be career advancement for them, it's clearly not working. We are now onto the 2nd episode and I don't know who half these men are. The cheerleaders, who are now having to put bugs in their mouths, are even more unknown. Girls, get secretary jobs. This is not going to lead to roles in Bollywood, I assure you.

Abhishek Kapoor and The Kid From Oye Lucky also turn out to be girly men aka Rahul Boses and make the cheerleaders do the stunt for them. Why KKK is letting the cheerleaders stand in for their guys and do the stunts for them is beyond me. I can only say the girls are more manly than the men but that doesn't sound flattering for either one!

The six best performers (aka The Guys who had the most fearless cheerleaders doing their work for them) are the only ones to get to do the next stunt. This one requires the girls being tied up underwater and some mumbo-jumbo about releasing red balloons and then rescuing them. Poor girls. They're going to drown for sure with these bunch of cowards "rescuing" them.

Rahul Bose watches other contestants doing the stunt as he sticks his pinky in his mouth and watches in a curious mix of awe and disdain.

Guy No.1 gives up. As if that was any shock.

Guy No.2 gives up. Unremarkable pattern. Rahul Bose watches as he poses with his Ray Bans. He thinks he's Chulbul Pandey now.

Now comes Fat Cyrus. Don't disappoint me, you are the only one I'm rooting for. Aannnnd Cyrus puts up a valiant fight and eventually gives up as well. I'm coming to the conclusion that Fear Factor is a show not suited for Indians. Nobody seems to be able to do anything!

Next Guy also gives up. Priyanka pouts her bee-stung lips. I think she's zoned out thinking she's in a modeling shoot. Who can blame her. This is so boring and predictably futile to keep hoping any of these guys can accomplish anything at all.

Rahul Dev, the big-nosed villain from Asoka (imagine when SRK is NOT the big-nosed one), is so dumb he starts messing with the the balloons while leaving the girl tied up underwater. The stunt has to be stopped in the middle before the girl drowns!

If you think that can't be topped in terms of badness, the Sardar kiddo who fainted in the last episode, can't untie his cheerleader and the stunt has to be stopped in only a few seconds before the woman dies from collapsed lungs.

Not a single Khiladi accomplished the stunt! Out of all the bad pennies, Piggy chooses the worst one, aka Sardar kiddo, and sends him home. Sardar kid prepares to hear the taunts back home while I hit myself for watching another episode.