KBC 4 review *ing Amitabh Bachchan

So I begin Kaun Banega Crorepati with much apprehension.  For me the heyday of Millionaire was not Amitabh Bachchan hosting (gasp!).  It was Regis Philbin in his gee golly gosh manner with the highlight being a man winning a million dollars and using his lifeline to call his dad to tell him he won! That was the type of drama that made such game shows exciting and not fake Bollywood dancing and dialoguebaazi with the entire focus being on the celebrity and constant homages to his greatness.

What I feared most is exactly how KBC begins.  An extremely long tribute to Amitabh Bachchan starts immediately. It is his birthday (how convenient) and we are first given his life story and baby pictures are put on the screen for all to adore.  Next comes all his famous dialogues (kabhi kabhi mere dil main, etc) followed by him singing a Khaike Paan remix (with added lines like "Girl the way you move it, everybody losing it, go Mira go Mira go!) with lots of background dancers (whose next aim is to make it to item girl status) in red bras and harem pants with long slits.  Ahh, perfectly befitting a 70 year old icon.

Finally we get to the old KBC stage everyone is so familiar with and 10 contestants are introduced and the process begins. A new feature seems to be the contestant on the hotseat also has a little video introducing him. Our first guy, moochied & in a yellow shirt, comes from a small village in Madya Pradesh. One new lifeline is "ask the expert."  Not exactly mind-blowing stuff yet.  Let me point out that almost half-hour has passed now (not including ads!) and not a single question has been asked yet.  Whether this is to inflate the show for more time to add commercials or if they have given up on any audience apart from bored housewives with too much time on their hands is anyone's guess.

Sanjay Dutt is the "expert lifeline" and makes a brief appearance through video clip to tell the mooch-man "knock-out kar dena." Yes, he has a movie called Knock-out releasing soon.  How much do you want to bet the "experts" will be starring in whichever movie is releasing every week?  They have found a way to commercialize even this aspect and no, I am not cynical at all. :P  And if that wasn't enough, on the corner facing the Sony logo, we get little pop-ups with daughter-in-law Aishwarya Rai's face shilling Loreal. I wish I was kidding.

First few questions are all related to filmy lines about love and song lyrics from Bollywood films and identifying actors from their voices, yawn.  Once again Sanju Baba comes on to answer Bachchan's query about how Mooch-man is playing so far.  The reply: "Mamu knock-out kar dega." He must have demanded to include "Knock-out" at least 4-5 times in the episode.  Only that can explain this.

When the 1.6 lakh question is reached, what I find the absolute most cringeworthy lines are expectedly said by Amitabh asking the importance of this amount of money in Mooch-man's life.  This is not a "knock" (I'm helping out Sanjay Dutt, what?) on Bachchan because he is not the only one to ask these types of questions nor is he responsible for writing out such lines in the script but somehow having a multimillionaire making sad faces and trying to feel for this poor schmo as he explains the importance of this piddly amount of money in his life is a little difficult for me to endure.  This artificial veil of sentimentality may be exactly the domain of the audience weaned on Ekta Kapoor serials but it sits uneasily with me personally.

Mooch-man takes home 3.2 lakhs with the help of two lifelines and as a parting gift, he sings Happy Budday to Amitabh Bachchan.  If this kind of thing turns you off, it's not your type of show for sure.  The filmy questions (at least half of them have been Bollywood based so far) continue as the remaining contestants are asked to sort Kapoor family members by age.  The next kidtestant is only 18 years old and wants to be an actor.  He regales the audience of how he made it to KBC - he prayed and prayed and then his audition was on Akshay Kumar's birthday and his first appearance on Amitabh Bachchan's birthday and I find it a little sad that 18 year olds know so much about which celebrity was born when.  The kid accompanying him in the audience congratulates Amitabh Bachchan for his National Award win and the kidtestant points out that he has seen Paa more than 50 times.  Gosh.  That was the only AB tribute missing so far. We can cross that off the To Do list now.

Kidtestant doesn't know what color milk turns when you add saffron to it. Holy hell.  It's the very first question and he needs to use a lifeline.  This is what happens when you sit on your butt watching Paa 50 times instead of learning anything. Kidtestant's buddy selected "red" as the answer; yes, the one that was honoring Senior for his National Award win.  Hah, you make your own conclusions about this.

Good lord, yet another filmy question about the full title of Dibakar Banerjee's film LSD.  The possible answers are "Lysergic Acid Diethylamide," "Lalu, Shalu, aur Dolly," "London Se Dreams," and ofc "Love, Sex aur Dhokha."  I am going to turn off this show right now if the kidtestant asks for another lifeline.  Thankfully we get through that one but the third question immediately flubs him up again and he asks for his 2nd lifeline.  Mind you, this kid boasted he had been "studying" for KBC for 8 years and his general knowledge is very strong.  The question that has him so puzzled? One about IPL team names which I, sitting in the U.S., even knows!  I think they should rename this show "Kya Aap Kindergarden Pass Se Tez Hai?"

The horn blows and the show is over and someone slaps the stupid grin off the kidtestant's face.  Okay okay, only the first part is true.  The universe doesn't love me enough to make the second part true as well.  AB deserves a National Award for not laughing in the idiot's face.  That's one even I would congratulate him for.  TV viewers are left with a clip from the next episode with Kidtestant butchering SRK's "sattar minute" dialogue from Chak De India.  I might have to tune in to see the wreckage the same way everyone slows down on the highway to concentrate on accident pile-ups.