Another year, another round of the deliberately incorrectly spelled Bigg Boss. Indian entertainment - helping to ruin English one show and film at a time. They won't be satisfied until they make everyone illiterate.
The show opens with Salman posing nearby a small plane eerily like Donald "comb-over" Trump in The Apprentice. Next up is Salman riding a motorcycle (hoping to capture some Khatron Ke Khiladi viewers? If there were any left by the end, that is. ) and doing his best superstar act. What this has to do with people trapped in a house I haven't figure out yet and am likely not to before it finishes either. Oh sweat, now comes a helicopter! Once the chopper business is through, Salman rides an old fashioned bicycle and doesn't forget to roll his sleeves up to his shoulders to show his biceps of course. I don't know what's going on but I feel good in knowing Salman probably has no clue either.
He finally (finally!!) gets to his destination though I'm a bit cross he missed out on using the great Indian railways. And oh, cruise ships. They should have been included. Mamata Banarjee should sue him for ill treatment on behalf of the trains and get some free PR out of this. Sallu begins his tour of the house but as an aside, let me point out he is wearing a pink tee that says "I just want to take a pic so please don't SMILE!!" Hain? Wittiness FAIL. As if that alone wasn't enough, one of his first lines is that the house is looking "happy happy" on the outside but will be "sad sad" inside. Groan, this is going to be a long night. Want more? Here's another Sallu gem, "The family that eats together cheats together." (Someone inform Karan Johar; he can improve We are Family. )
During his cheesy tour, it's revealed that this time the men and women will all sleep in the same room and on double beds attempting to maybe equal the sleaze levels of MTV and Bindass. In honor of the Jersey Shore, this room will henceforth be known as the smoosh room. (For those of you haven't seen the Jersey Shore, it's the absolute epitome of trashy television and completely delicious!) Sometime during the tour, Salman also comes up incredibly close to the camera and then... kisses it. Yep, plants a wet one and then wipes it off. For once, I am glad I am watching on my faithful youtube and not HD television though I know what screencaps are going to be made by salmankhan.net this morning. Continuing on with Salman's prize quotes, we get "Oh blimey!"After mastering the American accent, he plans on moving to a British one.
